Dear Humans,
It is Day 70 of my incarceration.
The Warden had nothing to do this morning, so planned on a nice sleep-in. Well, I wanted none of that. I began singing the song of my people shortly after sunrise. Curse words abounded, although spoken in more of a whine than a shout. I allowed a brief reprieve, then tried again. After round three, She Who Is Cranky And No Fun finally dragged her lazy arse out of bed and took me outside for a pee, and I released yet another Great Lake on the patio. Told you.
Once that was done, I was happy to go back to the bedroom. She turned around to close the door, so the Stinky Brother wouldn't chase the Catpulets, and... TA DAAAAA!!! I jumped on the bed when her back was turned. Cone and all. I've got skills, mad skills.
She figured if I was already up there, I might as well stay (yeahhhh!), so she let me snuggle with her (cone and all) until SHE had to pee.
We were less cranky with each other today than yesterday. Probably because the sun was shining and the snow was melting. Although she still has trouble on the hill, or following me under the shrubbery. Also, she wouldn't let me near the spiky tree or the raspberry canes today.
She also kept insisting on singing Good King Wenceslas, but only the verse about "in her master's steps she trod" – I think trying to get me to follow her. But I had none of that. I am a leader, not a follower. Besides, she's no master – with the way she slides and stumbles going down the hill, she's barely an amateur!
My stinky brother was home with me all day, which gave me pleasure, because he didn't get to have any fun, either. Although we did spend a lot of time together in the back yard, enjoying the fresh air. (Yes, the Warden still had me on a leash, but we take what we can...)
In the early afternoon, the phone rang, and mom not only ANSWERED it, she answered it HAPPILY! (Usually she ignores it.) It was the vet, who was barely controlling HER happiness, and they both did a silly little happy dance and giggled and acted like freaking children, I must say.
But she said that the testing also showed that my liver had MINIMAL scarring, and that once I stop hitting the hard liquor (or copper), it should be able to heal itself. So that's good, no permanent damage.
The plan that Dr. Schmidt and Dr. Vlad had come up with is to give me half a prednisone pill once a day for the next 30 days, to try and get some of the inflammation down in my liver – because there was some "puss-y stuff" (THIS is what she learned in her vet degree?) covering my liver when they saw it up close and in person. So I get the drugs for now and then they'll re-test my blood for the liver levels. I may have to stay on prednisone for a bit longer. The side effects are a stronger appetite (Honey, I'm a LAB, the side effect to EVERYTHING is a stronger appetite!), and I'll probably drink and pee more. No big whoop, especially once The Warden no longer has to come out with me every time I pee.
They're also ordering in a special Liver Diet for me, that has NOOOOO copper. Because this condition is usually seen in other breeds, the bag has a photo of a freaking Yorkshire Terrorist on the front. I am NOT a little yappy dog, I AM A FULL GROWN QUEEN. I will be writing them soon to demand a new spokescanine.
I will be on this Liver Diet for the rest of my freaking life, so it better taste good, is all I'm sayin'…
Also, I will have a special Liver Supplement to sprinkle on all my meals – it contains lots of minerals that are GOOD for my liver, as well as preventing copper from hanging out in my liver and kidneys as an unwanted party guest.
This is all easy peasy lemon squeezy! And involves food, so... YEAH!!!!!
Mom had to get some laundry from upstairs, and do some work on the desktop computer. She let me follow her up the stairs, but slowly. I got to the very top, but my halo got stuck on that extra-steep top step. So I whined for a while instead. Mom came to help lift my halo up, and said nice things and tried to encourage me, but I was having none of that – I went back to lie down on the landing. Mom went to the guest room to grab the sheets that needed washing, and when she came back to the hallway, guess who was up all the stairs?
I came back down again slowly as well, but I don't think I like stairs much yet. Especially since today was THE FINAL DAY of the magic pumpkin, and I only got one serving this morning.
So now, The Warden and I just have to make it through 35 more sleeps, magic-pumpkin-free (though I notice she opened a beer tonight, hypocrite!), without murdering each other. Which may be tricky, since I have also decided that chasing the cats is a nice break from monotony.
Will surviving to Monday be possible? Tune in again tomorrow, for the sorry tale of Macie Montdogue, her evil mother, her stinky brother, and two too-fast cats.
Love and schlurps (but I ate A LOT of bunny presents today, so you probably don't want those),
Macie
(Mom's putting this photo on because it's healed better, so hopefully won't make people too squeamish, but also make sure it was clear that she was not posting a photo of a Frankenstein vagina before, it's just my staples!)
