Hey everyone, it's Alyssa here (I know, I know, I'll hand it over to Macie shortly, sheesh!).  I just wanted to let everyone know that Macie's lab results are in, and it's actually THE BEST POSSIBLE DIAGNOSIS (the one I was afraid to even hope for).

COPPER ABSORPTION!!!

It's treatable with diet and some meds.  Yippeee!!!!  Now back to your usual (these days) programming…

Dear Humans,

It is Day 63 of my incarceration. The Warden and I are getting cranky with each other. It has taken until well past dinner before I have received my daily laptop privileges.

I have been weaned down to only one pill today, leaving one left for tomorrow. The Warden says that maybe if I am uncomfortable, I'll stop trying to do so many stupid lab tricks. I think she underestimates me.

I took her for a drag around the back yard this morning, and she kept yelling about how the world was too slippery today and I needed to slow down. But there were bunny presents under the spiky tree at the bottom of the hill, and I WAS DETERMINED. I got to the bunny presents and heard a big thud behind me, which I believe was the Warden, but I was too engrossed in the bunny presents to pay attention. I saw more in the raspberry canes, so went over there, since she had dropped the leash while trying to get up and not blind herself on the spiky tree. She may have cursed. Unfortunately, when she found me in the raspberry canes, I was tangled around a really thorny one that was stuck in my staples, and she had to rescue me.

She said, AND I QUOTE – “Macie, Jayzus Feck, YOU suck Donkey Balls!!!”

Now, I can guarantee you I have never had the opportunity, but if I did, I would most likely SNIFF the donkey balls, as I do with all my male canine friends (and, let's face it, sometimes the humans – I like it when they jump).

Also, I'm pretty sure that you aren't supposed to talk to your children like that. Even if she isn't my real mother. Condemn the action, not the individual, amirite? I think I should write to the instructors of her "healing trauma in community" course and tell them to automatically fail her, because of all the abuse I take.

She tried taking me out the front door this afternoon for a change of scenery (and no raspberry canes). I was so excited! But all I wanted to do was go down the stairs and onto the road. The Warden said that I couldn't leave the lawn (rather, snow), because there's salt on the road and she doesn't want me kicking it into my... and then she couldn't finish the sentence because she turned a little green and got squooogledy and shuddered and made a retching sound. Something something staples. All I wanted, though, was to pull her down the stairs. She yelled "Jayzus Feck, Macie!" again, and made me go back inside.

I suffer.

Jasper got to go to Ruff Haus without me again today. I attempted to release some of my frustration at this by humping him, but The Warden started screaming about staples and made me stop.

I got even, though, when The Warden's friend came to the front door, and I saw her first – I rammed my halo so hard into the back of her legs, she shouted so hard that the friend outside was worried. Meh hehe hehhh.

Lots of cursing. Not from me.

As some of you may know already, Melissa at the vet called today, and said I for sure don't have cancer and I don't have hepatitis and I don't have a bacterial infection – my body just doesn't properly absorb the copper in my diet. This is usually a condition of other breeds, not Labs, but... that's the diagnosis! The bigwigs are going to confer and figure out a plan of next steps tomorrow, but Mom was happy I'm not gonna die any time soon, unless she murders me herself. (!!!) I guess I get to try a new food, too. Hopefully it doesn't suck donkey balls. (See what I did there??)

So we had a moment of peace after that, when she took this photo, because she had a whole dreamy look at that point. I was enjoying the sun coming through the back door window, because my halo was catching it, and making cool rainbows around the walls. Maybe I'm an angel, after all??

(Nope, nope, The Warden is arguing against that hypothesis...)

There are only 42 more sleeps until my staples come out and I don't have to wear my halo. And I can jump over the wall to get the bunny presents in the woods. And nobody will scream at me going down the hill.

Love and smooches, 
Macie